


i'd use my only master ball on you

by ameneurosis



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Pokemon GO - Freeform, and actually logs the distance as spidey swings around, in which pkmn go works on hella high roofs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 10:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8201819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ameneurosis/pseuds/ameneurosis
Summary: Peter gets bored, Pokemon Go is addicting, and everyone else is playing it, too, apparently.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this days after pokemon go came out (hence the outdated tracking info) but then i got writers block and it's been sitting in my google docs tormenting me so, whatever, this is so unfinished but Get It Away From Me I'm Done.
> 
> alternate title: "looking at dat ass makes my bulba soar."

Generally, the city never shut up -- lights were always on, shops were always open, and people were always awake. Where there was constant activity, there was bound to be crime. Criminals never rested. But, some days were slower than others. Which is why Spider-man found himself where he was now -- sitting on the edge of a roof, looking down at the bustle of people underneath streetlights, and debating whether or not to call it a night a bit earlier than usual. He’d stopped three people, two of which were working together to rob a convenience store, but that was at least four hours ago. Since then, he’d made his rounds two and a half times, and hadn’t come up with anything else.

 

He decides that he’ll stay out a bit longer, just in case he heads home and narrowly misses someone that needs him, when his phone buzzes in his pocket. Frowning, he struggles to fish it out, the spandex (and the Super Secret Pockets™ that keeps said spandex looking professionally flawless) making it an incredibly difficult task. He doesn’t use it much during patrol, only keeping it on him for emergencies, really, turning off notifications for everything else, which is why it’s weird when his phone vibrates again, but there’s no notification on the lock screen.

 

Unlocked, his screen immediately shows a loading logo, and he remembers that he’d started Pokémon Go this afternoon, leaving it sitting in the background on his phone when he’d been distracted, and hadn’t fiddled with his settings to get it to leave him alone while he was working.

 

Sighing, he’s about to just lock his phone again when it fully loads, and there’s a Rattata right next to him. _Well_ , he thinks, _it’s just a low-level Pokemon. Nothing’s happening, I can catch it real quick._

 

He intends to just throw the one Pokéball and be done with it, but he miscalculates his aim on curve ball _four_ times before he finally catches the little rat, much to his dismay. He frowns at the low number of Pokéballs in his inventory. _Probably couldn’t hurt to swing by a few PokéStops_ , he muses. _Changing up my route could also lead me to some evil-doers that I’m missing._

 

This is how Peter ends up gaining 4 levels, adding 23 new entries to his Pokédex, and hatching two 5km eggs within the next hour. The sky’s brightened a smidge, the black replaced by a deep blue, and he knows he should definitely head home and sleep -- he hadn’t even found _any_ other criminals, what, were they all on holiday? -- but he’s tracking the footprints of a grey-outlined Vulpix, and he’s only several meters away. _Okay, just this one more, and then I’ll stop_.

 

Peter catches the fox Pokémon easily, and he’s in the process of renaming it -- what? renaming them shows them you _care_ \-- when there’s a _thud_ behind him, followed by a gasp, and a high pitched shriek, all in rapid succession.

 

He swirls around, panicked, eyes trying to assess the situation faster than his brain can keep up, reaching out with his extra senses looking for _danger, threat, trouble,_ finding nothing only a millisecond before his thoughts process properly and he realizes that he’s staring at another mask, similar to his own.

 

Before he can get out any of his questions -- or, more likely, expletives  -- the eyes of Deadpool’s mask widen. The merc slaps his hands to either side of his face, chin dropping and stretching the fabric, over-exaggerating the expression of surprise.

 

“Spidey! Are you playing Pokémon? Oh em gee!” The man in front of him jumps up and down, shaking like an overexcited dog, and Peter has to remind himself that he’s looking at one of the deadliest men he’s ever met.

 

“I -- yes? I mean -- the night’s been pretty slow, so I -- wait, where did you even come from?” Peter sputters, holding his phone to his chest as if blocking off the blue and green hue of the map will grant him some kind of defence.

 

“Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much--”

 

“Deadpool,” Peter deadpans.

 

“Same as you, silly!” It’s then that he notices the phone in Wade’s hand. “Gotta catch em’ all! That, and some little Mystic shits keep stealing my gyms. Wait,” he pauses, his voice dropping into a tone much more fitting for the dangerous mercenary. “What team are you on?”

 

Peter’s blood runs cold, and he has to remind himself that they’re talking about a video game generally made for children, and not anything serious. Still, he sounds hesitant when he answers, “Instinct?”

 

Deadpool’s whole demeanor changes again, and it’s giving him mental whiplash. “Great! Well, not great, because it’s not Valor, but, anything is better than those blue bastards.”

 

Peter snorts before he can stop himself. “Valor. Fitting.”

 

Thankfully, Wade seems to take it as a compliment, and he theatrically puffs up his chest in pride. “Damn straight.”

 

Spider-man and Deadpool’s phones go off in unison, notifying them of the presence of a Pidgey, but, when Peter starts the battle, he realizes that, despite all the PokéStop's he's been hitting, he's still wasted enough Pokéballs on bad throws to be nearly out again. Whatever, he was only going to transfer it for candy, anyways.

 

As if he could read his mind (or his phone's screen from over his shoulder, maybe), Deadpool says, “I know this awesome spot that has, like, 3 PokéStops all close together so you don’t have to move to get them. It’s right next to Sam’s, too, so, great food and lazy ‘stop farming! Wanna go?”

 

Looking wearily at the time displayed on the top of his screen, Peter sighs. “I can’t.” Wade’s shoulders drop a little, and he hurries on, not really thinking, “it’s way too late -- early? -- and I still have work. Not all of us have fantastical healing factors that turn us into the Energizer bunny. I will definitely take you up on that sometime in the future, when I’m not sleep deprived, though.”

 

Peter can’t tell through the mask, but it sounds like he might be grinning when Deadpool says, “It’s a date! A PokéDate.” The man snickers before bouncing off into the night, leaving no time for a reply. He tiredly makes his way home, thinking about what he just got himself into.

**Author's Note:**

> (i'm valor but no h8, ily mystic friends. instinct can also join in on the group hug. woo.)


End file.
